YOUR NEW MANIFESTO by Banksy

Yeah, fools. I am so FUCKED OFF WITH ALL THE SUITS AND SPAMHEADS (© Banksy 2007) that I am smacking up my strategy man.

From now on I will not be issuing any more BANKSY MANIFESTOS (© Banksy 2001-2007) explaining what it is I am thinking about, doing and that. These make absolutely no fucking difference whatsoever. People keep ignoring them, telling me how fucking clever I am and then paying a fortune for my gear, yeah?

This is making me look less like a street guerilla, stencilling under the stars, dodging cops and generally spunking in the face of capitalism. And more like some sort of style gimp to the rich and famous, which I so absolutely ain't.

So from now on I will be issuing everyone else with MANIFESTOS FROM BANKSY (© Banksy 2007) which I hope will clarify matters.

MANIFESTO #1 To the art patrons who keep buying my gear I say JUST STOP BUYING MY GEAR OK I AM FUCKED OFF (© Banksy 2007) It has gone completely out of control. Ever since my LA gig last year with the decorated giraffe and them stencils with Uma Thurman holding a courgette, rich punters have started a bidding war. At the last Sotheby's auction I sent a note to be read out to everyone saying I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BUYING THIS SHIT YOU THICK CUNTS. (© Banksy 2007) Yeah, and once the auctioneer verified it was genuine it was auctioned for five hundred quid. In desperation I invited all the art patrons to a private dinner party where I stayed in a balaclava to preserve my anonymity even though YOU MAKE A RIGHT FUCKING MESS EATING YOUR DINNER THROUGH A BALACLAVA. (© Banksy 2007) They were fawning all over me. Fuckers. I put Rohypnol in everyone's drink, then when they were all unconscious I stencil-tattooed stuff on people's arses, tits, faces and that. I thought that might put a stop to all the nonsense but when they woke up they thought it was brilliant and went out to get themselves insured. Total twats, darling.

MANIFESTO #2 To the commercial world I say I AM NOT PART OF YOUR WORLD SO LEAVE ME AND MY FUCKING IRONY ALONE. (© Banksy 2007) Yeah, I thought it would be a laugh if instead of spraying my gear on old buildings I did it on new ones. So I did one of my little rats saying CIABATTA IS OVERRATED (© Banksy 2007) on the side of a new Barratt House and now they're using them on all their new starter homes. I stencilled WAR ON IKEA (© Banksy 2007) on the side of their Warrington store and now they're putting it on their FUCKING FURNITURE. I'm fucking telling you bastards STOP PUTTING MY GEAR ON YOUR FURNITURE (© Banksy 2007). And I don't want to see STOP PUTTING MY GEAR ON YOUR FURNITURE (© Banksy 2007) on your furniture either. Shit! Shit!

MANIFESTO #3 To the lame imitators who are taking my style and twisting it into their own fucking pointless graffitti I say FUCKING STOP IT I WILL GET MY LAWYERS ON TO THIS (© Banksy 2007). Yeah, I'm talking to you BLANKSY, WANKSY, GUTSY, BEANSY, BUGSY, FUCKSY and GOBSY. Cunts. I'm so exhausted, honestly me babbers. Exhausted.

                 

turner prize                  plinth