Headline satire from around ba world. Content: caution is cynically reassuring.
Updated: 8:00 Fri May 24 (British Satirical Time) | Previous week's headlines
Jokes all open in the same mindframe. Stories are more or less just the headlines with 
75 words of spun-out fucking drivel underneath, so you might have to keep trying 
something else.


Fri May 24:

Satire Will Eat Itself (UK) - 3 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24:

• Human head found in giant cod 'laughed briefly'.
• Muslim DJ rolls another fatwa.
• Three caravan-sized meteorites heading for Earth really slowly.

Overmatter (UK, ironic media) - 1 new story spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• LOVE SNATCH TOT SLAMS WAP LINK CUSTODY TART. 

The Strong Tea (Northern Ireland) - 4 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• Police swoop, making 'ark ark' noise.
• Marrow Christ scares Harvest Festival.
• Faulty Honda recalled by ageing motorist.
• Bee swarm driven indoors by bad language.

Paxman's Glossy Column (UK Politics) - 3 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• GUARDIAN READERS LAUGH AT ROY HATTERSLEY'S ENDPIECE.
• JACK STRAW'S EYES 'PAINTED ON GLASSES'.
• VOICES IN MANDELSON'S HEAD HAVE ROUGH, D H LAWRENCEY FEEL.

   

So Way (US) - 2 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• Barney Rubble loses fight against cartoon cancer.
• Worst case scenario blamed on poor casework.

Yeeeeah! (Sport) - 2 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• Grand slam seed slips to second leg.
• Glazed Brazilian wins 100m nandrolone freestyle.

Chip Implant (Scotland) - 5 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• WORKING CLASS REHOUSED IN QUOTE MARKS.
• SMUGGLED TOBACCO FOUND IN HOLIDAY WOMB.
• GLADIATOR NOW MOST POPULAR BOY'S NAME.
• WORKMATES CHEER AS MACHINERY CRUSHES EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH.
• INNER CITIES TARGETED FOR ICED PISS.

Sillybollocks (Brighton) - 5 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• Digital map of Universe 'wrong way up'.
• Piddly doll goes voodoo.
• New variant CJD 'lacks subtlety of original'.
• Armed god holds up Hindu middle management.
• Freak flood swamps weirdo village.

We're So Football (BBC area) - 4 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• Office Romeo who fell asleep on train 'went too far'.
• Modified vegetable turns pro.
• Child's sandcastle destroyed by 'mindless' incoming tide.
• Selfless genius too clever for own good.

Billy's Biscuits (UK, own arse) - 1 new story spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• TEENAGER'S FOETUS 'DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HER'.

Baggy Urban Zoomorph (UK, counterculture) - 3 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24: 

• Nude wrestling boys launch Literacy Week.
• Irvine Welsh trapped overnight in moral vacuum.
• Lennon cloned from 1976 pillow saliva.

Organized Teeth (US, non-smoking) - 4 new stories spotted 8:00 Fri May 24:

• Media spotlight turns elephant into circus.
• Supreme Court of Iceland melts during debate.
• Peru's caretaker president demands new mop.
• Bongo president slain by rebel hepcats.

Previous week's headlines.

Organ removed from child after an hour of demo tunes.

Gates says holes in Internet caused by lungless space birds.

Japanese parliament dissolved by flesh-eating virus.

Pressure on Arafat after heavy wardrobe topples.

White supremacist tops self.

Economy slumps into terracotta three-seater.

Elderly Nazi 'losing memorabilia'.

Armed nun defends New Testament.

Valentine's Day ends in pancake for tragic thick couple.

Optimistic farmer eaten by own dogs.

Dream of heart attack kills psychoanalyst.

Schoolgirl's 'creepy' lamb stalker driven from estate.

India smells like shit, reports barmaid.

Lib Dems imagine nurses in golden handcuffs.

Miss Wales advises UK tour operator.

Internet twins test positive for human milk.

Double agent weighed 24 stone.

Racist milliner charged with hat crime.

British troops captured by children on spacehoppers.

Drug giant knocks over water tower.

Human embryo pyramid prank kills abortionist.

Money reserves wobble in cantilevered blue-chip simulator.

Actors' strike escalates into ugly workshop.

Pope blesses 37 new cardigans.

Hippy conker founds Mong Dynasty.

Steps taken to High Court by decorator.

Beef crisis triggers oxtail backlash.

Air control stoppage chokes pilot.

Fatal kidney error ruins steak pie.

Two big women stab bingo caller 88 times.

Gardening correspondent 'has weed' in shed.

Cheating husband lands on Free Parking.

Political prisoners demand big pudding by midnight.

Milk-spurting cheese cow launches Dairy Expo.

Pop sensation experienced by air passengers.

French President all ears and no cock, claims wife.

God speaks to Archbishop through headaches.

Cabbie funeral delayed by lollipop lady's dance.

Embroidery aunt does a runner.