" It's not as if we're bringing in an alien and rival system; we already have in this country a number of situations in which the internal law of religious communities is recognised. fucking witchcraft. gastric blasphemy. a hot poker up the arse. I think we need to look at this with a clearer eye Graham Norton an eyepatch, and a hook for a hand open, beheaded minds and not imagine either we know exactly what we mean by Sharia and not just associate it with what we read about Saudi Arabia Swordy Barbaria Beardy Gobfoamia Fuckistan or wherever..."

" What a lot of Muslim scholars would say, I think, and I'm no expert on this, is that Sharia is a method rather than a code of law keeps the missus on her fucking toes means Death To All Dithering Christian Mingewarts probably has her tits out in Zoo this week and that where it's codified in very brutal and inhuman and unjust ways, that's one particular expression of it which is historically conditioned the prerogative of Cockney wifebeaters why there are no fucking pubs in the Middle East free with the Mail on Sunday , not at all what people would want to see as part of the method of trying to make actual the will of God a Muslim exodus to Wales unsightly mosque removal a Prophet Mohammed Cartoon Series on CBeebies. ..."               

" So there's a lot of internal debate within the Islamic community generally about the nature of Sharia and its extent. wispy, unmanly Anglican beards. why Halal is an anagram of Allah. how Nazi Germany had some good ideas. Nobody in their right mind I think would want to see in this country a kind of inhumanity that sometimes appears to be associated with the practice of the law in some Islamic states, Barnsley maisonettes, cab ranks, bomb cribs, the extreme punishments, the attitudes to women the harmless arse-slapping the sweary Islamophobic banter your piss-stained secular selves as well..."

" I think it would be quite wrong to say that we could ever license so to speak a system of law for some community which gave people no right of appeal. a Muslim supercasino. a fully-veiled Girls Aloud. a forced marriage guidance centre. ..."

" It's not something that's absolutely peculiar arseholes bollocks stiff defiant clitorises to Islam. We have orthodox Jewish courts unusual Sikh newsagents psychedelic Buddhist lottery kiosks that big black bloke you can buy drugs from operating in this country legally and in a regulated way because there are modes of dispute resolution and customary provisions which apply in the light of Talmud. Andrew Marr. Max Clifford. the opportunity to Fucking Have Your Say. .."                 

" Shared citizenship, whatever we say about religious allegiance...we have to have that common ground. There are many ways in which that active citizenship can be promoted like being a Scientologist taxed for the Olympics issued with proper uniforms . So I don't think that recognising the integrity or independence - the depth of the reality of religious communities - is to ghettoise our future. balkanise Yorkshire. nationalise marital rape. clarify my earlier statement. ..."       

" So how does the law engage critically and intelligently – the law of the land – with the custom, the imperatives, the principles of distinctive religious communities? It's a large question, sherry, postbag, bodyguard, much larger than the question about Islam and I think it's a question which the Church can quite reasonably be thinking arseholier than thou consulting gay people after all knowing what I am even talking about..."