Jeremy Clarkson's Guide To Global Warming

 

 

A  I arrive at the end of the Industrial Revolution in my Aston Martin DB9 Volante. 

B  Whoops! An off-road mishap on someone else's insurance leaves a quiet corner of Epping Forest looking like an Arabian night in a Paris suburb! Watch out for my new DVD! 

C Trees. About as welcome on the motorway as Gary Glitter in an orphanage! 

D  Shitting birds, wet leaves, fruit - I mean really, could trees BE any more irritating? 

E  I drove a TVR Sagaris into one once. Believe me, trees can look after themselves! 

F  Oh, look - it's raining over the Irish Sea! And blow me if droplets aren't rising all over again to form more rainclouds! Here's a tip for environmentalists - stay away from Ireland unless you're an alcoholic poet, or a fucking elf! 

G  Whales (the second least enviable animal on the planet after David Blunkett's labrador) simply go round and round! Pursued by me, shouting to camera, in a Russian Alpha Class nuclear-powered submarine!