Worldwide Conspiracy Forecast

OBAMA: Heavy weather from the right, eventually settling over whereabouts of Kenya. Inkling at first, fog eventually dispersing to form vague unease at middle name and oratory. Blog twisters expected, mostly fat and white, blowing over themselves later.   JACKSON: Area of high speculation gathering on internet, driven south by pornbots in due course. Occluded cock will push in from unconfirmed reports, leading to publishing deal. Droplets, visibility poor. Clones predicted on mysterious gated island in Dubai. Scattered brains, widespread faux-military gear.   MOON LANDING: Overcast Queer Muslims, Chinese lesbians giving way to lunar halo around Capricorn. Fake storms superseded by Alzheimer's.   INTERNATIONAL MONEY MARKETS: Lenticular clouds, occasional tips from time-travelling plutocrats. Dow Jones suspended in future or past (check wind direction).   ALIEN ABDUCTION: Wormhole opening in sky, sunny vertical shafts later. Helium waves, twiglets, monophone synth noises, unclassifiable DNA stains, smoking garments.