Please select a theory:

 

MI6. The Princess of Wales kept turning up at covert operations with her
       homemade sandwiches, pestering them to become a spy.
 
 The Eurythmics. The famously vindictive pop duo were incensed when
      Diana told Melody Maker: 'I prefer Duran Duran. They're easier to spell,
      and they always have cocaine...'

 

 A former friend from Bulimics Anonymous. She was dumped like a sack
      of shit when Diana started eating properly again. What's this friend's name?
      Nobody knows, do they? She's Anonymous. You thick fuck.

 

 Activists from the Welsh village of Llandmine. The dozy, politically-
      illiterate phlegm whisks thought she was trying to eliminate them.

 

 An occult spiritual entity. Who was at the wheel of the mystery white
      Fiat seen in the tunnel? Nobody. It was being controlled supernaturally by
      Acantha, triple moon goddess of the pagans, jealous of the adulation
      Diana received.

A ruthless, powerful cabal of lizard people. The Football Association
      never forgave her for having sex all the time with rugby players.

 

 The Scientologists. Diana once joked publicly that John Travolta was
      'a worse dancer than the Fucking Prince of Wales!'

 

 The Queen. 'Her Right Humpness' allegedly told an undercover pastry chef
       from the Daily Mirror that 'Diana was a spoilt little sow. She always won
       Monopoly at Balmoral by threatening to throw herself down the stairs unless
       she got Park Lane and Mayfair. We let her do it five or six times once. She
       always had to be the racing car, too...'

 

The Duke of Edinburgh. Clinically insane by the mid-1970s, he thought
      Diana was the evil mermaid he snubbed years ago as an officer in the Greek navy.

 

Dodi Fayed. As the car approached the tunnel, he and Diana were arguing
      in the back. She told him she was being bullied by lawyers acting for the Prince
      of Wales. Dodi lost his temper and yelled 'Put your foot down. Look at me!
      You must put your fucking foot down! Look at me!' Unfortunately the driver
      his dad had hired was completely pissed and thought Dodi was talking to him.