Nobby the Northern Dinosaur
50 Things Wrong In This Modern World
1. Salad.
2. North South Divide still wishful thinking i.e no Moat or Fence.
3. Nothing tastes of anything any more.
4. Pet Rescue - if they can't walk, Shoot Them.
5. Catherine Zeta-Jones' Mouth, though forgotten why.
6. Too much Language in Public.
7. Teachers either Funny Colour / unable To Maintain Corporal Discipline.
8. Ian Paisley's Teeth; were better in the 60s.
9. Adverts too loud.
10. Too many Countries e.g Macedonia, France.
11. Successful Manchester Pop Stars who Go On to become Londoners with Northern Accents.
12. Complete Fucking Absence of so-called Extinct Comedians on Television.
13. Writing printed too Small on Everything these Days.
14. Where Are The Mini Skirts Of Yesteryear?
15. Cancer - we were promised an End to this Nonsense after the One Before The Last War.
16. All Fields Round Here Once.
17. No Birds these Days with Something You Can Grab Hold Of, except Fat Ones.
18. Nobody knows who Semprini is.
19. Proper Toilets with Slot for Penny and smelling like Fishmonger's - mostly gone, I'm Afraid.
20. No Capital Punishment any more, except on the Fucking 'Internet'.
21. Low Fat Food with Gay Writing on.
22. Opal Fruits now Starburst.
23. Child Whores harder to find, and Frowned Upon.
24. Weather, Art - they just Fucking Make it Up.
25. Arse hurts more.
26. Wigan Casino demolished some Years back.
27. Not so many Smokers, and mostly Tipped these Days.
28. Skiffle pushed aside by Tuneless Fucking Racket.
29. Too many different Names for Things.
30. Computers - behave like Spoiled Kiddies, Folk won't smack them.
31. Royals now just posh Hippies.
32. Own Entertainment these days made by Someone Else.
33. Date doesn't start with 19 Something.
34. Fucking Classic FM.
35. Going to Toilet less satisfying than 30 Years Ago.
36. Going to Toilet in Road now a Fucking Offence, apparently.
37. Not at War with anyone I recognise.
38. Footballs not heavy enough; might as well be playing with Fucking Beach Balls.
39. Grown Men and birds watching Cartoons.
40. Having to pretend to like Black and Scottish People.
41. Water in Bottles.
42. Vegetarians given Oxygen Of Publicity by the BBC.
43. Fanny shots now in Men's Magazines, spoiling the Whole Thing.
44. Some first Names end in i.
45. Rice no longer just in Pudding.
46. Bit more puffed out going up and down Stairs.
47. Police spend All their Time counselling, Off Sick or driving up and down the Fucking M6 at Exactly 70 M P fucking H.
48. Half of all Beatles dead.
49. Shopmobility schemes preventing Folk from Dying with Dignity.
50. Blue Tits no longer peck at my Milk Bottles.
