Sunday May 1 posted by Snowdogg
To what extent will tha issue of Tony
Blair's credibilitay sway tha undecided votas?
There is absolutely no question that Iraq loom large in they minds,
dog. So far during this General Election campaign - so far, mind you -
Downing Street has made its position absolutely clear on the issue of
tha legalitay of tha war: ain't no time for that bitch shit,
you feeling me? In key marginals, an Iraq protest vote could yet
produce a deus ex mamuthafuchina for opposition partays. The
message from Leftside niggas like Chuck K be unequivocal - let them
muthafucking hustlers feel that real gangsta shit, dog!
Mr. Blair has therefore launched a robust defence of his decision
to take military action. Newsnight canvassed over 2,000 peeps in
marginal constituencays who voted Labour in 2001. We asked them
to what extent they agreed with tha Prime Minister's version of
events, summarised as follows: "Iraqi muthafaaaqi, bitch! There
be bad blood, sure, a lotta shit was mishandled and a lotta
information was misread and whatnot, dog. But at tha end of tha day,
backbench niggas know I love them niggas and I was down with them
niggas, like they was my brothas, like they was my homies, and I
treated them with muthafucking respect, and never tried to do nothing
wrong, just led them tha best that I knew as tha Macking Muthafucking
King of Big Ben, dog!"
Surprisingly - or perhaps - surprisingly - not surprisingly - tha
margin of uncertaintay appears actually to have widened in
these last few days. Mr Blair's all-important Nizzle Rating - and,
remember, this shit is shizzle-weighted so be tight as a muthafucka -
is down 1.3% across tha hoop de doop, dog! Of course, government
spokesmen put they own gloss on this, going "ay yaay yaaay,
nnn-yaay yaay yaa-ay!" through they muthafucking Vocoder. But
what they pimping now, dog? How will this increasingly complex
political picture resolve itself? Yo, Snowdogg be slapping you cross
tha face with tha raw and exclusive shit around 2 o'clock in tha A M,
live on tha B to tha B to tha muthafucking C. Though I should just add
that tha partay don't stop till we blow up, now every minor
political nigga wanna show up, manuev'in to this, groovin to this,
dippin to this, flippin to this, trippin to this, ain't no skippin to
this, trust this, bust this, it's too hot to touch this, muthafucking
licence-payas! That's how the game go, dog!
Summary: All tha indicatas point to a Labour Government with a
reduced majoritay, but with an increased quotient of
muthafuckas.
Sunday April 24 posted by Snowdogg
At tha halfway stage of this muthafucking joint, time to ask
what time it is. It be like a m to tha u to tha t to tha h
to tha a to tha f to tha u to tha c to tha k to tha a, try to put this
General Election in tha proper perspective, dog! But what - you ask -
of our Election 2005 Blogga Niggas? Who got they ear to tha streets?
Certainly, opinion polls still show a significant swathe of tha
electorate undecided – undecided, remember - about how to drop they
vote. Niggas on tha Right Of Centre, however, got it going ON. Check
out my latest equalised data shit. All Rightside partays up
2.5% shizzle on they hizzle last week. And nizzle be up a muthafucking
FOUR POINTS, dog!
We should, nevertheless, view this improved approval rating with
extreme caution. Why? Because All Right Of Centre Partays’
be ALL Tha Muthafucking Partays, dog! Where tha
Leftside niggas, muthafucka? They be chilling, doing their thang,
fucking with they shit...hold it. Where - worth dwelling on for a
moment, this one - where they BLAIR, dog? Leftside playas need a
muthafucking BOSS, feeling me, you pussyass nincompoop? All the main
indicators – all demographically weighted and fonkay remember
- say tha Leftside peeps aspire to tha type of leader they can be
looking up to, you know, somebody who absolutely - absolutely, mind
you - stamp they muthafucking shit, dog!
Now let’s take a look at tha “scene behind tha scene” in my
media nervecentre, bitch.
Check it. Not once – nota bene - but twice, dog. Tha
machinery, etc, etc. My colleague and nigga Pacman is like, "this
what y'all need to bust on". And I bust on tha shit, and tha shit
actually – against tha odds, it has to be said – proved to be
incredibly, incredibly accurate, so it's like this. I try to do so
much, man, to keep so many niggas involved, man. If you study tha
credits I never just say "I’m Snowdogg, I be on Newsnight, I am
not fucking with nobody else, not letting nobody - or, more
accurately, anybody - shine in my sphere”. Muthafucka, I don't ever
be selfish like that. Or, at least, hardly ever. Bitch, I got this
macking BBC gig with 7 producers, 15 ‘rapperteurs’, niggas like
Chris Patten ain't been heard in 20 years...the real shit. Now, that’s
not of course to say I don’t fuck with y’all. Hypothetically - and
I stress hypothetically - I fuck with everybody. This is Snowdogg.
Drop it like it’s hot, dog!
Summary: Undecided voters may yet give Mr. Blair a nasty surprise;
to date no alternative muthafucka seems adequately fonkay.
Sunday
April 17 posted by Snowdogg
Sup? A General Muthafucking Election, that's what sup!
Check out tha Snowdogg Blingometer. It be being a rough guide to what
happens when tha vote shifts from one party to anotha. Like say you at
a party in Smith Square - bling, or at least a fair measure of
opulence, is extremely conspicuous in tha glittering surroundings. But
fuck this shit - where's tha muthafucking Cristaaal? And they ain't
even no hoes, dog!
A completely different picture emerges when we move to
tha Labour Party. Niggas got it goin ON. Long as you got press
credentials and adhere to tha protocol of confidentiality, you be
seeing balls licked, pussies ate, and some muthafucking booties
bouncing, believe. My nigga Alistair Campbell be standing back like
Winston Churchill or Harry Muthafucking Corbett - coordinating shit,
making sure tha asses is looking delicious, making sure they don't
waste my muthafucking time with no tired shit. Of course, boundaries
be essential. Even though I know tha more attractive of they junior
researcha hoes want me to break em off, I'm not even fucking with them
like that. Rules of tha game. Don't mix tha pussy and tha political
insight, dog!
Where will tha disamuthafuckingffected voter go?
Oh yeah, that Charles Kennedy done picked up on a little anti-war
march and he think he a mackin ass muthafucka now. But he need like
24% more bling minimum to be true and hot. Here in Weymouth, they be
dropping that izzle for rizzle in tha general policy area of they
nizzle, i.e between 7.2 and 9.3 dizzles per rizzle (big pow wiggle up
in tha hizzle extrapolated from known shizzle, and focus groups) so
here we go, dog!
Summary: Health service delivery is a key issue, and
someone bound to get they ass beat.
Tha Conservatives need just 2.5% extra bling
in they swing, dog!
Sunday April 10 posted
by Snowdogg
Exciting. General Election. How influential were
tha ‘70s? To me, tha ‘70s was very inspirational and very
influential to me, with my whole persona as Snowdogg. As a person, as
a muthafucking psephologist, dog!
Just be digging my shit. I love tha ‘70s style, tha way all
tha players dressed nice, kept they hair looking good, a de Lorean
gullwing for they ride. And they talked real slick in smoke-filled
rooms with they beer and muthafucking sandwiches, dog!
Lord Reith was my greatest inspiration. Back when I was a
'Tearaway Teenager In Love' having left tha hood for a bad-ass
boarding school, I used to dress up like Lord Reith in tha pantry,
when everyone else was asleep. I loved that arista mutha fucking
cratic coat, with all tha flavors on it, like a rainbow. I loved that
coat, dog!
Summary: Mr Blair has a mountain to climb, and a dick to suck.
snowdogg@martian.fm
